After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
