im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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