Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
