Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
