I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
