i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
