Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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