Christians are straight up FREAKS
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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