There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
