And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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