I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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