i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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