I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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