Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
