I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
