There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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