my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
