My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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