Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
