I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
