K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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