I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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