God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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