omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
