you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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