Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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