if i can run in heels then i can drive
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
