I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
