my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
