Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
