I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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