I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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