Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When are your genitals available?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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