You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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