i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
