I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
