Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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