oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
