so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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