If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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