God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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