I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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