There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
