he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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