no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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