i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
