Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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