If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We got so high we made milksteak
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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