we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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