The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
