he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
