Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
